Tuesday, July 29, 2014

let it grow - July 21, 2014

Well this week has been interesting.
We have not met with Gaby and Jason in almost a month now since her ex husband has been in the hospital with liver failure. It's been really warning on her since she has a lot of responsibility with him, and so we haven't been able to meet. She texted us on Friday with questions about if we knew any liver specialists, and I was finally able to talk with her for a little while. I asked if she's been able to read the Book of Mormon much during all of this, and she said not has much has she was before. She said that mostly she would go on Mormon.org while waiting in the Hospital to take her mind off of things. Watching all of the videos about how others have drawn on the Power of Christ's Atonement in trial had been helping her. It was good for me to hear that that was what she had been doing. Comforting. She texted us again however on Saturday letting us know that her ex husband had passed away. Keeping her and his family in your prayers would be good.
We met with a Less-Active man this week, named Lenard. He sure was stubborn. His marriage had been struggling and he basically was very bitter with God for a lot of things and had become more humble. Still stubborn. We talked briefly -outside in the heat- about doing things God's way. Even though it's hard and probably uncomfortable, we are asked to do it God's way, and not our way. Talking to him and explaining how becoming active again and reading his scriptures would make a difference in his life, it was a good reminder to me, that it is more important to do it God's way.
This last week has been very emotional. I don't think I anticipated this these last couple of weeks. Lot's of things have surfaced and have needed to be talked out with Sister Hopkins. She has been so patient with me these last few days. 
These last few days, what has helped me the most has been reading the Book of Mormon. I've been trying to finish a faith study in the next couple of weeks, and I've been reading the Book of Mormon backwards by books (Moroni, Ether, Mormon, 4th Nephi...etc), and filling any spare time I have, at night before bed, during breakfast, during lunch, and time I could get. This week I was reading the war chapters in Alma, there not ones you might normally think would bring a lot of comfort and peace, but they did. Just reading changed so many things. I've come to find that the more I am reading the Book of Mormon, the more I love reading it. i want to always be a student of the Scriptures. I learned a lot from them these last seventeen and a half months.
Another thing that helped a lot has been writing thank you cards to members in the ward here and other missionaries. I was thinking last night of all the people I have met here in Texas, and how blessed I have been to know them and learn of them and from them. So blessed.
We had dinner with a family last night who had a very intelligent eight-year-old boy. He said that he started reading Harry Potter for the first time about a year ago, and has since read  the whole series five times and the first book at least twelve. We looked at him with raised eye brows and his parents said, "you think he's kidding, but he's really not." I was blown away. Respect. He said that he read fourteen books in three days once as well, and these weren't like picture book ones, there were real ones. I asked him if he's ever read the Book of Mormon all the way through, and he said only with his family. I said I'd give him a candy bar if he could do it in a week and he said "Deal. it's totally work it." He's going to study prayer while doing it, and we are scheduled to come by next Sunday to Follow up. I wish I had time like an eight-year-old. While Sister Hopkins was in the bathroom before dinner he was talking to me and said "okay, I'll quiz you..what is the capital of Taiwan?"...uh, let's not go foreign yet, got to remember all the stateside capitals first. He did have fun guessing what capitals my first and last names were. "Cheyenne couldn't be a girls name, no way" he said. He started singing that Star Wars American Pie song at dinner ya know..."my my mister Anikin guy, may be Vader some day later, now he's just a small fry..." I'm not sure who was more surprised, the eight-year-old or his parents and my companion when I started singing "he left his home and kissed his mommy good-bye saying 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, soon I'm gonna be a Jedi'" with him. Thank you Jed and Ammon for ingraining that song into my veins for my whole life. Then he gave us a play-by-play of how the Spurs one. Can you tell I enjoyed dinner with them? hahaha
This morning I was studying in Alma 32 as part of my Faith Study and I thought a lot about something Elder Bednar said while he was here. He said something along the lines of self checking too much and ripping and yanking our testimony and character and understanding trying to see if it was growing and developing yet. He told us to have patience and to just let it grow. It reminded me about what Elder Uchtdorf in his talk Forget Me Not in October 2011. He said (referring to Willie Wonka's golden ticket):
"So many people today are waiting for their own golden ticket—the ticket that they believe holds the key to the happiness they have always dreamed about. For some, the golden ticket may be a perfect marriage; for others, a magazine-cover home or perhaps freedom from stress or worry.
"There is nothing wrong with righteous yearnings—we hope and seek after things that are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy.” The problem comes when we put our happiness on hold as we wait for some future event—our golden ticket—to appear...
"The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."
I feel that often in my life I have yanked and ripped at my desires for being happy. Especially when waiting for what I think will make me happy. Buying that Camera. Having someone get baptized. Getting a Job. Finishing school. Having a different companion. Not having companions. Getting Married. On and on and on. Always double checking: "Am I Happy? Am I Happy? Am I Happy now? What's going to make me happy" 
Why do I do that? Why do I have to check? Why can't I just try to found happiness right now, not dependent on what my circumstances are?
Just let it grow and learn happiness now.
I've been thinking a lot about that. What is happy? What is sad? What causes them? Is being happy different than having happiness? Yesss...many thoughts.
So anyways. That's about been my week.
That's all. Love,
Hermana Cheyenne Montgomery


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