Hello family!
It was good to hear
y'alls voices even for a little bit last night! I hope y'all are doing well.
Congrats Jubilee On your call to Germany!! I almost screamed in the church and
dropped the phone when Sister Sage showed me dad's text to her. Figures you'd
get to go there, you and I will have to do splits with the Sisters in our ward
for the whole month of August :)
We had our Sisters conference on Tuesday and went to
the Temple that morning. I hadn't been feeling super good that morning and in
the middle of the session I got chills pretty bad and was shaking and freezing.
My companion kept feeling my forehead and told me that I was warm. My only
prayer was to make it through the session without throwing up. It was a
struggle, but I made it through. At lunch I happened to sit at the table with
three past companions plus Sister Regan, who all babied me into eating my food
rather than hiding it under my napkins. I've had eleven companions
now...and only two of them are home. Weird. Sister Miller who I was trained
with is now companions with Sister Young who I trained, they talk about me they
said...and notice things the other one does now that they picked up from
me. Strange. So we all swapped stories. It was fun.
The conference part of
the Sisters conference was interesting. There have been a lot of Sisters
struggling with anxiety and depression lately, and since they told us to bring
our adjusting to missionary life booklet, I figured they would talk to us
about it. We didn't even open the booklet. The focus was more on dressing
better and baptizing more so that "we wouldn't feel so stressed."
Some things that were said by the Sisters training almost felt a little condescending
like ..."and then you're going to have an anxiety attack and quite."
There was more than one sister out in the hall crying afterwards
and as I was hugging one Sister she whispered to me "I'm just a
baby." She is not a baby. And teaching and baptizing more
is not always the key to not feeling stressed. Sometimes things are out of our
control and it's stressful. We're human. It does not make us any less
of a good missionary or a good member or person if there are some things that
we struggle with that others don't. Stress, anxiety and depression
are a very real thing that should not be discredited. Sister Regan and I were
able to talk through some things and I was able to feel better. President
Slaughter also addressed that Heavenly Father knows our bodies and how they
work, meaning to take the time to take a break. I don't know why I'm ranting
about this, probably because I can be a stressed out and overwhelmed missionary
and person and it has never helped to feel like you're being told you're not
doing enough.
My trainer
Sister Lauren Wright wrote me a letter a few weeks ago and told me about
how she was talking to a return missionary friend and her friend said to her
that obedience doesn't bring success. It brings blessings. Y'all know that
missionary quote? "Obedience brings blessings. Exact obedience brings
miracles." Her friend went on to explain that there are disobedient
missionaries who are "successful" and then she said something along
the lines of obedience brings tender mercies from the Lord that help us to
grow. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. When I hear the quote
"Obedience brings blessings. Exact obedience brings miracles" I have
always thought of it in the image of me smiling in a picture with my companion
and dozens of people dressed in white jump suits. I've had one of those
pictures. Does that mean I haven't been obedient? That I haven't been working
hard enough? Five areas, eleven companions, hundreds of contacts and
investigators and I've been there for one baptism. I have come to believe that
statement "Obedience brings blessings. Exact obedience brings
miracles," but more often than not, the blessing does not come in the form
of a white jumpsuit. I believe that more often these blessings are subtle.
Think of Mom and dad studying the scriptures so diligently with us when
we were young, probably didn't pay off the way they expected in the
first ten years or twenty years, but I know that reading scriptures as a family
has forever changed my life and already my future family. Other
blessings may come faster like the response to President Monsen’s announcement
where everyone could see the effect immediately. That announcement has as well forever
changed my life and already my future family. And as Elder Holland has
said "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until
heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come"
(An High Priest of Good Things to Come, October 1999). I do believe that has we
are obedient and faithful to God's commandments, we are blessed. That principle
has increased more than anything on my mission, but I also understand more
clearly that those blessings are not always what we think they will be.
So anyways, back to
being sick. I had a fever for all of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday,
missing our Zone Conference that I was supposed to train at with Sister Regan
and the Zone Leaders. Another Sister had gotten sick at the same time and was
throwing up, so I went over to her apartment and we stayed together while our
companions went to zone meeting. We were a pathetic miserable sight. I am a
Doctrine and Covenants pro now since I watched all of those short movies and
not so short movies multiple times while I was having hot and cold flashes
and coughing up a lung.
When we were finally
able to get back out again Friday, it started storming and we were half expecting
a tornado or something to blow Pleasanton over. We took shelter though with
some members and were able to make it through the rain storm.
We had a lesson with
the Hopp family again and at one point, Blaine came out to talk to us again
(for a reminder of who Blaine is, read letter from April 21... or I'll just put
it right here:
April 21, 2014
"We've been
teaching a young man, he's actually a son of a part-member family. He's about
22 years old, and has been doing drugs since he was 9 years old. Rips my heart
out. Blaine's mom's greatest hope is for him to join the church. He's been in
and out of rehab for the last three months or more and does drugs to keep his
depression and anxiety back. He's been struggling a lot. I've felt like we
needed to teach him since I got to Pleasanton, but I never had the guts to ask
him. The first time Sister Regan was there when he sat in on a lesson, it
finally popped out of my mouth and I invited him to let us come and work with
him. He said sure, but he apologized up front and said it wasn't going to be
easy for us. I got a blessing when I was in Del Rio that told me I was called
to Texas to teach specific people, people that only I could teach. I've often
had a hard time believing that, feeling that there was always someone else that
would come and do more or better than me. One night though, as Blaine's mom
talked about him in and out of rehab, I had the distinct impression that Blaine
was one of the people that I was called here to teach, and to remember that.
"So, we've taught
him three times now...the gospel changes people! It's basically like teaching a
ten year old...with 22 year old problems. Sister Williams went with me on
exchanges to teach him, and she sat with her mouth open the whole time, not
knowing how to work with him. He's so contradictory, and lost. But I've never
been so sure in my life that the Gospel changes people. When people talk about
the "Nobel and Great Ones" I've never felt like it was talking about
me, or people like me, they're talking about people like Blaine. I'm so
positive that Blaine fought for agency before this life and for the chance to
come to earth, and now he's trapped in this drug addicted body. He does have
his agency here, and he is going to change. Already, just little things, he's
changed. Made his bed, clipped his cocaine nails, started playing the guitar
again, put up his GED certificate on his wall and other certificates, and
reading verses in the Book of Mormon even though its hard since doing so much
LSD has basically made him dyslexic and read in circles. After we taught him
the plan of Salvation in about twenty minutes since he was being so ornery, I
asked if we could end with a prayer he was like "Wait, you're leaving so
fast?!" Then I was like "Well, would you like us to stay and talk
more?" and he sat back for a minute and said "Do as you please."
So we sat back down and read Alma 5 with him...harsh, but he understood more
than he was going to admit. He really was paying attention to the part in the
Plan of Salvation about the Resurrection, as I explained that our bodies would
be made perfect, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I have learned so much
about God's plan for us through teaching Blaine this week. Blaine has taught me
a lot. Even though he drank a half a bottle of vodka right before our
lesson...I've never known so well that the Gospel can change people. He really
is a funny person, Sister Regan and I have started a "Blaine quote
wall" for all of the things that he says, and I have to control myself a
lot not to laugh in lessons cause his reasoning is so skewed. I'm sure you'll
be hearing more about him in letters to come."
So Blaine has been
avoiding us for a while now, and we haven't been able to teach him for about
two weeks. We kind'a stepped back and decided to let him have his time. So he
comes into our lesson and he's super excited to see us. He sits down and is
waiting patiently for his turn to talk, and when we finally turn to him he says
"I met a good friend of yours the other day." I started to think
of everyone we knew here that he could possibly meet "investigators,
members, bishop, other missionaries, contacts..." and then he said "I
overdosed the other day and died and met the devil." Well...I must say he
was not on my list of friends that I was going through mentally. The things he
says to try and get a rise from us. He goes on to explain how he overdosed and
died and basically realized how messed up his life is. He described it as
"darkness, suffering and pain, literally hell." sounds a bit like
"racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest
degree and racked with all my sins...I did remember all my sins and iniquities,
for which I was tormented with the pains of hell..." (Alma 36:12-13). So
Blaine has decided to stop drugs. Cold turkey. He's been clean for a week! And
he said the closing prayer, and it was a good prayer. When he said yes to
saying it he said "Yeah, I guess I do have a lot to be grateful for from
Him." He has plans to get clean and get a job and start working to get a
car and things. This is huge! Sister Regan and I couldn't stop screaming once
we got in the car. Bruised my already sore throat from all the coughing. Oh
well.
Well family, sorry
this got a bit long. Last night between phone calls President Slaughter
called with Transfer news, I'm being transferred Thursday and Sister
Regan will be receiving a new STL companion. I will still be an STL in my
new area. Figures we would have so many week five miracles before
transfers. I think I'm red dotting myself for driving in the mission. I'm
tired. And I have no GPS. Area Six coming up fast.
I love y'all, take
care. Squish Calebs cheeks for me.
Hermana
Cheyenne Montgomery
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